Evan Longoria Sent Home By Major League Baseball For Being So Much Better Than The Other Kids

Actually, he went home to California to attend to some family business. We hope everything is O.K.

Ray’s Owner Watches B.J Upton’s Catch While Being Interviewed About Winning The American League Championship

When Is A Pitching Staff Not A Pitching Staff?

The Red Sox placed Tumbling Dice-K on the DL today and replaced him on the roster with someone named Hunter Jones (sounds like a porn star). That along with Beckett’s missing a start because he’s an asshole, and
Lester’s 0-2 start must have Theo on the phone: “Hello, Curt, it’s Theo…”

Meanwhile in Oakland, the noble knuckler, Tim Wakefield was pitching a no-no into the 8th.

And Carlos Pena homered to put the Rays up 3-2 over the Yankees.

More later.

Rays lost, you talkin to me?

Just Thinking…

Having Rocco Baldelli back up J.D.Drew is like having Bill Buckner back up, uh well, Bill Buckner. And granted, Rocco is actually sick. But between the two of them they might only play 50 games.

Don’t know about you, but I’m already sick of that sneering little lawn jockey, Dustin Pedroia, and we’re only 8 games into the season.

How many people would know who Jacoby Ellsbury is if he played for Pittsburgh?

And with that in mind, what’s the name of the Red Sox shortstop anyway?

And for a real rundown of what’s going on in Tampa Bay, click here and check in on The Rays Index. All served up without the venom you find here from time to time.

Ortiz Misses Manny, Manny Misses Cleveland, And Tinkerbell Pedroia Misses The Point (Which Is To Be Happy)

Big Sloppy is bitching and moaning again. There’s no one in the line-up to protect him now that Manny’s is gone. The Slop doesn’t have an extra base hit yet and considering he’s 55 years old (in Dominican years) the Red Sox better start looking for another DH. Oh, wouldn’t Carlos Pena look good right now, he even plays the field. Ortiz’s role as DH (declining lefty) is coming to an end, face it, Theo. Maybe it’s time to bring up on of those sure-fire, power-hitting, on their way to Cooperstown prospects like Evan Longoria. Oh wait, what’s that? There are none…

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids…

The Ladies of Francona are off to their worst start since 1996. Tumbling Dice didn’t make it out of the first inning and Oakland went on to win in 12. We’re beginning to wonder if they’ll win another game all year. Chances are, they’ll win a couple more. In fact, for those of you who think that our dislike of the Red Sox might make us less than objective, we’ll predict that they are going to win 64 games. That’s a lot, right?

A certain team’s bullpen went up in smoke last night (no names, please) and the Yankees won.

That Woman Across The Street In The Short Skirt Isn’t Waving At You Because She Thinks You’re Cute

She’s working, dawg! Never mind the fact that last week she was running a hedge fund. The Rays are working tonight, too, and if it is anything like last night, and why wouldn’t it be, we’ll be fine. Crazy Matt Garza is on the hill tonight facing the luckiest man alive, A.J. Burnett. Garza, who in the past has had some trouble with the Yankees needs to keep it tight. On the other hand, this Yankee team is a mess and nothing that Joe Torre might recognize. Yup, this is a Rondell White version of the Bronx Bombers, so look for the Rays to put up big numbers again tonight. And, if you get a chance, check out B.J. Upton’s catch last night. Pure Willie Mays…